Thursday, March 19, 2009

Aggravated Farting in Florida


What is it with kids in Florida? Last fall a 12-year-old boy in Stuart was arrested for disruptive farting in the classroom. Yesterday a 15-year-old in Lakeland was given a three-day suspension from riding the school bus after the driver accused him of passing gas to make the other kids laugh.

As in the earlier case, the accused attends what Floridians describe as a “last-chance school.” He was kicked out of middle school for fighting.

While The Smoking Gun delicately protected the 12-year-old’s privacy, the Lakeland Ledger has no qualms about identifying yesterday’s culprit as Jonathan Locke Jr.—they even ran his picture on Page 1.

Ledger reporter John Chambliss provides this classic quote:
“It wasn’t even me,” Locke said. “It was a kid who
sits in front of me.”
That’s what they all say. On the other hand, Junior could be innocent. The Polk County School District is relying entirely on the testimony of the bus driver. And it’s a well-established principle of common law that “he who smelt it, dealt it.”

For sheer bravado in the face of a repressive school administration, we here at First Nerve are proud to nominate Jonathan Locke Jr. for this year’s Edgar Marsalla Award.

3 comments:

Olfacta said...

Dear Dr. Gilbert,

Here's one for ya (I'm too chicken to put this on my own blog):

Why is it that your own farts smell different from each other, while everyone else's smell pretty much the same?

Avery Gilbert said...

Olfacta:

I suspect it's because we're willing to give ours the long, thoughtful contemplation they deserve, while avoiding everyone else's as noxious contamination, pure and simple.

BTW don't be shy--put the question to your readers on Olfactarama. Fart posts--at least in the tasteful fashion they're delivered here on FirstNerve--generate big viewership. Maybe it's just the 14 y.o. boys in Florida who are taking a break from World of Warcraft, but it's still a huge audience.

dea said...

omg. these posts are the best.