Saturday, May 22, 2010

Quick Sniffs:A Fragrant Folio

Down in Florida, Chaucer’s lyric has been updated: “Sumer is icumen in, lhude stinke algae.”

Meanwhile, further down the peninsula, a mystery smell (“pot or not?”) gets its own FB page.

Hunters are the most BO-phobic folks in America and they spend a lot of money to smell like . . . nothing. Until now.

Sure, this is edgy, provocative, yadda yadda, but personally I’m looking forward to the launch of Sphincter.

The cuisine rapide industry weighs in on the slider-scented candle campaign.

What the hell’s going on in British public housing? First this, now this

Many moons ago I saw Donald Trump air kiss Estée Lauder at the Palm Court in the Plaza Hotel. Now he’s hosting this exchange. Sic transit gloria mundi.


La Bonne Vivante said...

thanks for the disturbing, hilarious links!

The 'slider'-scented candle cracks me up!I mean, the only difference between a slider and a hamburger is size, right, and no one wants a hamburger candle...or maybe they do....Apparently they do!

One small quibble from the medievalist in me: I bet Chaucer would be thrilled to know that that great Middle English song had been attributed to him--I bet he likes all the posthumous attention people give him--but alas, the only person responsible for 'sumer is icumen in' is the greatest poet of all, Anon.

I enjoy your blog so much. Thanks for an amusing fifteen minutes on a lazy Sunday morning!

Avery Gilbert said...

La Bonne Vivante:

I’m not yet fully caffeinated so instead of wincing (“Doh!”) I find myself pleased to be set straight by such a knowledgeable reader. Perhaps I should stick to citing artists from my own Late Medieval Period like Patti Smith and the Dead Kennedys.

Given the legendary post-ingestional consequences of sliders, it would be a little ironic for someone to light one of these babies in the bathroom. Anyway, looks like most are going directly to eBay for about $20 . . .

Perfumeshrine said...

Sphincter is (should be) a classic! The ads would show MJ fighting Tom Ford, arms of each on the other's neck, with their tushies projected up front to the camera at an angle and their faces in contorted grimaces of intense agony (concerning the outcome of the wrestling fight, silly, not fighting constipation!). Furore would ensue among the readers of GQ and Men's Health as to who has the most convincing gluteus.
It'd better be left to the imagination how the juice of such a fragrance might be smelling: It might conjure up connotations of a foul odour rather different than a Norman Bates wannabe's.

And seriously, does everything on the planet have their own FB page now? What happened to Quit-FB-day?

La Bonne Vivante said...

I am glad you took no offense! I meant none, of course....Love the joke about the slider bathroom deodorant! SO GROSS!!!!!!

and perfumeshrine, you should call up those two and pitch the idea--since they both totally get off on raunchy publicity, they'd probably dig the idea. And 'juice' just sounds SO nasty in that context! LOL!

Avery Gilbert said...


Wow. You sure took that visual suggestion to its Mapplethorpean extreme!

Interesting how you free associated to Tom Ford and competition: MJ's ad is a commercial volley (Bang!) aimed at Ford's notorious bottle-on-vulva image, complete with full-body oil.

BTW: How you explain the oil? Seventies swingers at Plato's Retreat? Hugh Hefner in the Sixties . . . or last week (vurp!) Is slickiness the new sexy? Evidently I'm not getting out to enough Mazola parties.

Avery Gilbert said...

La Bonne Vivante:

Don't encourage them . . .

As you say, these visuals summon up olfactory associations that completely pave over thoughts of mere EDT or cologne.

Then again, it's all about MJ.

Perfumeshrine said...

La Bonne Vivante,

nasty was the aim I guess. ;-)


the free association comes naturally: Had you missed the even more notorious (and more disturbing, but not for its apparent sexuality reasons, but due to the specific visual and layout) ad by TF where the bottle was poised and "clutched" ~ahem~ atop a hairy young tushie of the male persuation, with a pair of -another person's- male hands touching the peripheral glutei in suggestive ways more fit to Moses? (Gosh, I think I have reached my creative threshold for delicately describing an indelicate scene) That was something to behold and sorry, but I will take Mapplethorpe over those two any day!!

Hmm, body oil: Apart from the obvious body building (and tanning) associations? That is probably because the sheen shows "cutting" to its best advantage ~I mean the muscle "cutting" kind of course; my oh my, this whole commentary is diving straight to the gutter! Then again, there is a certain passage in an Ann Rice book which might give them, shall we say, different ideas. Perhaps it's best if I keep this for private conversation though.

Avery Gilbert said...


You'll not be surprised that image-googling "Tom Ford ass" produces the photo in question. And others on related themes. He evidently aspires to be the Helmut Newton of the Jackass generation.

Actually, Johnny Knoxville would be (and probably has been) more inventive and rudely entertaining with a perfume bottle than either Marc Jacobs or Tom Ford.

Are you really going to make me look up the oil reference? (Yes, the AR Beauty books are on the shelf next to Venus in Furs--I once studied sex behavior for a living.)

Perfumeshrine said...

If only TF were that good...

The ref is in non-Beauty tome, but rather the one divided in Elliots and Lisas (hope it's clear) ;-) It's in Elliot's chapter 14 (and the previous one has a great perfume reference anyway, so not all is wasted*!)

*obviously I am justifying gnawing on your time with this, you can't complain