Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The FirstNerve BurrOmeter: Bite-Size Mini-Muffin Edition


Name drops: 5

Issey Miyake
Jacques Cavallier
Jean-Claude Ellena
David Apel
François Demachy
Bonus points:
Perfumers: 4
Designers: 1
French: 3
Jean-Claude Ellena Deluxe Triple Bonus Points®: 3

Writing-in-the-bathtub and/or need-to-pee points: 5
smelled of water
warm Turkish seawater
a cloud
a black-currant kir
the glassy water of an aquifer
If only the NYT Style Magazine still had a copy editor points: 1
the glassy water of an aquifer
Calibration factor for new micro-mini review format: 10-1

Total BurrOmeter reading for L’Eau d’Issey Fleur de Bois et alia: 2.2 milliburrs

Outlook: Diminished winds, high humidity. Becalmed.
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4 comments:

  1. ~x~April 15, 2010 at 7:35 AM

    funny shit to wake up to.
    thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nathan BranchApril 16, 2010 at 11:07 AM

    He's giving you so much less to work with, Avery, but I see you've risen to the challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Avery GilbertApril 16, 2010 at 7:57 PM

    Nathan Branch:

    Nothing to it, really. Just had the BurrOmeter technicians boost the gain on the metaphor diodes and use a high-pass filter on the name drop dosimeter.

    With state-of-the-art automated rhetorical analytics, we should be able to get readings until the reviews drop below 20 words.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Avery GilbertApril 16, 2010 at 7:58 PM

    ~x~:

    As you can see, this is serious shit.

    ReplyDelete

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