Thursday, March 26, 2009

Another Fantasy Supersmeller: Tarzan of the Apes


The idea of supersmellers is a popular one. Novelists are particularly taken with characters who have an extraordinary ability to detect and identify odors. Patrick Süskind’s nasty little novel Perfume: The Story of a Murderer is a prime example. The story’s creepy anti-hero Grenouille can pick up scents at great distance and describe their components with uncanny precision. This idiot-savant of perfumery fetishizes the smell of virgin women; when he seeks to extract their bodily essences he becomes a serial killer.

Other literary supersmellers, such as Saleem Sinai in Salmon Rushdie’s Midnight’s Children, are less macabre. Some, like the characters in Tom Robbins’s Jitterbug Perfume, are downright comic. 

Despite their frequent appearance in literature, I don’t know of a single documented case of a real-life smell genius. Sure, some people have very sensitive noses. Others have a flair for creating pleasing combinations of scent. But professional perfumers have ordinary noses. When they encounter a new perfume they smell it from the top down. They recognize a general type—a chypre for example—look for a distinguishing twist and only then search for specific notes that make it unique. In other words, a perfumer smells the forest, not the trees. In contrast, fictional characters like Grenouille turn psychological reality upside down: they recognize individual flowers before noticing the bouquet. Their abilities aren’t an exaggeration of normal smelling—they’re a contradiction of it.

When I gave a talk at the Barnes & Noble in Greenwich Village a while back, an older gentleman had me sign his copy of What the Nose Knows. He wore oversized glasses, was poorly shaved, and his shirt pocket was stuffed with pens, scraps of note paper, bus schedules, and betting slips from Aqueduct. A classic Village oddball. As I handed back his book, he asked me if I was familiar with Edgar Rice Burroughs. I was. Did I know that Tarzan of the Apes had an extraordinary sense of smell? I did not. Despite appearances, something told me this geezer knew what he was talking about.

Well, I finally got around to tracking down his lead and guess what? The old dude was right. Here’s the passage, from Tarzan and the Jewels of Opar, the fifth book of the Tarzan series, first published in 1918:
Though the spoor was two days old, and practically obliterated in many places, Tarzan followed it with comparative ease. A white man could not have followed it twenty paces twelve hours after it had been made, a black man would have lost it within the first mile; but Tarzan of the Apes had been forced in childhood to develop senses that an ordinary mortal scare ever uses.

We may note the garlic and whiskey on the breath of a fellow strap hanger, or the cheap perfume emanating from the person of the wondrous lady sitting in front of us, and deplore the fact of our sensitive noses; but, as a matter of fact, we cannot smell at all, our olfactory organs are practically atrophied, by comparison with the development of the sense among the beasts of the wild.
Like many of his generation, Burroughs the armchair Darwinian casually incorporated spurious ideas of racial gradation into his evolutionizing. He also subscribed to the popular view that the human sense of smell has devolved through disuse—a misconception he shared with Sigmund Freud and the pioneer sexologist Havelock Ellis.

Freud thought that only children and neurotics paid attention to smell and that healthy adults grew out of it. Ellis believed that smell had long ago given way to vision. For Edgar Rice Burroughs, however, biology was not destiny. Raised as an ape, even Tarzan’s feeble human nose became capable of great things.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

OMG! Robert Pattinson has like you know BO & stuff


Female Twilight fans will be devastated if this is true. 

Evil is a choice.

UPDATE March 26, 2009
PR flacks issue denials, but Chicago Sun-Times entertainment columnist Bill Zwecker throws more fuel on the fire.

Sorry girls . . .

UPDATE

It gets worse! Mr. Heart Throb says “I don’t really see the point in washing your hair.” Video here.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Annals of Anosmia 4: What’s the Prognosis?


Smell loss is most frequently caused by upper respiratory tract infection or head trauma. Most studies find that the return of smell function is more likely in the former case than in the latter. In medical jargon the conventional wisdom is that etiology (cause) determines prognosis (outcome).

However, a study published last year in the Annals of Neurology came to the surprising conclusion that etiology does not predict outcome. Richard Doty and his colleagues reviewed 542 patients examined at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine’s Smell & Taste Center. The patients received a comprehensive test battery on their first visit, including a 40-item smell identification test. At intervals ranging from three months to twenty-four years they were given a brief 12-item version of the same test. The researchers measured clinical outcome based on the difference in performance between the original test and the follow-up.


What determines who recovers and who doesn’t? Statistical analysis turned up several factors. One was the initial degree of dysfunction: the likelihood of recovery was better when the initial smell loss was mild, and worse when it was severe. Another factor was age: the older the patient was when the smell loss occurred, the less likely he was to recover. In particular, the odds of improvement drop substantially after the age of seventy-four.

Surprisingly, the cause of the smell loss did not predict whether patients recovered from it. Doty’s team concludes that

head trauma patients with mild or severe initial smell loss have the same likelihood for functional recovery as patients with mild or severe smell loss due to other causes.

In other words, it’s the extent of the initial smell loss that matters, not what caused it.

On the bright side, the study found that
some improvement occurs over time in one-third to one-half of patients with olfactory dysfunction.
Improvement, however, doesn’t mean the patient regains full function. Far from it: even in patients whose initial loss was mild, only 18% regained absolutely normal smell function, and 23% regained function that was normal for age.

This study is not the last word on the topic—different patient populations, different smell tests, and different patient enrollment protocols might alter the exact nature of the results. Still, the study does put a big dent in the conventional wisdom about smell loss and recovery.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Aggravated Farting in Florida


What is it with kids in Florida? Last fall a 12-year-old boy in Stuart was arrested for disruptive farting in the classroom. Yesterday a 15-year-old in Lakeland was given a three-day suspension from riding the school bus after the driver accused him of passing gas to make the other kids laugh.

As in the earlier case, the accused attends what Floridians describe as a “last-chance school.” He was kicked out of middle school for fighting.

While The Smoking Gun delicately protected the 12-year-old’s privacy, the Lakeland Ledger has no qualms about identifying yesterday’s culprit as Jonathan Locke Jr.—they even ran his picture on Page 1.

Ledger reporter John Chambliss provides this classic quote:
“It wasn’t even me,” Locke said. “It was a kid who
sits in front of me.”
That’s what they all say. On the other hand, Junior could be innocent. The Polk County School District is relying entirely on the testimony of the bus driver. And it’s a well-established principle of common law that “he who smelt it, dealt it.”

For sheer bravado in the face of a repressive school administration, we here at First Nerve are proud to nominate Jonathan Locke Jr. for this year’s Edgar Marsalla Award.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Blowin’ in the Wind: Bob Dylan’s Portable Toilet


Some people were mad when Dylan went electric. Now they’re mad that he won’t go with indoor plumbing. According to the Los Angeles Times, the rock legend’s neighbors are up in arms about the stench drifting from a portable toilet he installed for the guys who guard his estate on Pt. Dume in Malibu.

Ah, I can hear the lyrics in my head as if it were yesterday . . .
Once upon a time you dressed so fine
Fed the stall a dime, in your prime, didn’t you?
Now people yell, what’s that smell, you’re going to hell
You thought they were all kidding you,
You built a port-a-pot,
All your private guards were hangin’ out
Now they can’t fart so loud,
Now you don’t seem so proud
About having zoning board tickets to appeal

How does it feel,
How does it feel,
To leave your abode,
And drop an outdoor load,
In a primitive mode
,
Like a total chode?