Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The FirstNerve BurrOmeter: Bite-Size Mini-Muffin Edition

Name drops: 5

Issey Miyake
Jacques Cavallier
Jean-Claude Ellena
David Apel
François Demachy
Bonus points:
Perfumers: 4
Designers: 1
French: 3
Jean-Claude Ellena Deluxe Triple Bonus Points®: 3

Writing-in-the-bathtub and/or need-to-pee points: 5
smelled of water
warm Turkish seawater
a cloud
a black-currant kir
the glassy water of an aquifer
If only the NYT Style Magazine still had a copy editor points: 1
the glassy water of an aquifer
Calibration factor for new micro-mini review format: 10-1

Total BurrOmeter reading for L’Eau d’Issey Fleur de Bois et alia: 2.2 milliburrs

Outlook: Diminished winds, high humidity. Becalmed.


~x~ said...

funny shit to wake up to.

Nathan Branch said...

He's giving you so much less to work with, Avery, but I see you've risen to the challenge.

Avery Gilbert said...

Nathan Branch:

Nothing to it, really. Just had the BurrOmeter technicians boost the gain on the metaphor diodes and use a high-pass filter on the name drop dosimeter.

With state-of-the-art automated rhetorical analytics, we should be able to get readings until the reviews drop below 20 words.

Avery Gilbert said...


As you can see, this is serious shit.