Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sons of California

There’s a new Penn State cologne. The mind boggles.

Masik Collegiate Fragrances plans an entire line “inspired by” a school’s colors, mascot, landmarks, campus trees, town character, fight songs . . . you get the idea.

Next up are mostly SEC schools with lots of airtime on ESPN. Nuts. My Pac-10 gets no respect. Except for USC. Hmmm. The fragrance brief for Eau de Trojan? Leather upholstery in Daddy’s Porsche. Sunscreen. Mommy’s pearls. Doing 90 on the 110. Pete Carroll’s moisturizer. Prophylactics (nah, too obvs).

Stanfurd? Money and microchips. Freshly watered fairways. An air of general superiority.

Oregon State: The Beavers. Better not go there.

Cal Berkeley (alma mater dear). Cannabis. Tofu. Espresso at the original Peet's. Sweaty Birkenstocks. Home-brewed biodiesel. Eucalyptus. Homeless ass-crack. The grill vent at Oscar's. Street vendor incense. Cannon smoke on Tightwad Hill. Braised Bolinas kid goat with quince and saffron downstairs at Chez Panisse. The chemical toilet and parking lot dust at the Sea Breeze. Mandy Aftel's scented garden.

Got all that?  Good.  Have three trials on my desk by Monday.

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