Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Sniffing Notes from a Pheromone Speed-Dating Party

Image via ZoeCormier.

Male #1
A musky warmth. Very manly. Slightly acrid overtones of an athlete after a workout. Hint of Old Spice AP/deo—a traditionalist. Starchy, cottony nuance suggestive of fresh Franklins.
Interest Level (1 – 10) = 10

Female #1
Faint aroma of wet potato. Sweaty fat girl. Chalky, powdery, reminds me of fresh kitty litter. Trace of amines: tuna salad for lunch or Friskies in the bowl.
Interest Level (1 – 10) = 1

Male #2
Damp cloth and citrus (orange soda?). Sharp culinary note—mustard? Cheddar cheese, toasted corn. Ewww! Just snorted Cheeto dust.
Interest Level (1 – 10) = 2

Female #2
Strong black tea or chai, with a milky impression. Cinnamon, maybe nutmeg. Hemp scent: sandals, yoga mat? Hint of shallots in the armpits. Perfume free, no additives.
Interest Level (1 – 10) = 2

Male #3
Axe. Bronzer. Hair gel (Redken—classy!) Fabric softener—his mother loves him. Slight metallic note, gold crucifix or St. Francis on tight abs.
Interest Level (1 – 10) = 7 (9 if he lives above exit 17)

Female #3
Big perfumey scent like that old Calvin Klein perfume. Lime, maybe bitter orange, plus something fruity like cranberry juice. Waxy smell: lipstick? Fresh Marlboros. Whoa . . . Stifler’s mom!
Interest Level (1 – 10) = 11

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