Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Doh! ‘Professeur de Parfums’ Beclowns Himself Again


Roja Dove—First Nerve’s favorite olfactory buffoon—has struck again, this time in the UK’s Daily Mirror

Reporter Emma Hill filed an innocuous piece on uplifting scents that can improve one’s mood. She notes that citrus scents are especially good for a zesty morning tonic with an anti-depressing effect. To learn why she turns to “renowned perfumier Roja Dove,” the self-proclaimed Professeur de Parfums. He tells her the secret is volatility:

“The greater the concentration of volatile ingredients, the more upliftingthe scent, with lemon being one of the most volatile,” he says.

“What you’re experiencing is the evaporation of the lemon molecules as they bombard the olfactory [smelling] nerves. You feel that movement, so it feels stimulating.”
Well, there you have it. Roja Dove believes lemon molecules feel invigorating because they pummel the olfactory nerves like so many tiny Swedish massage therapists. The man is either demented or a fool.

Or perhaps he’s just tweaking a gullible reporter who needs to fill some column inches. In that case, First Nerve offers Ms. Hill these original quotes free of charge:

Lavender is soothing because the molecules gently pluck the olfactory nerves like angels playing heavenly harps.

Pepper is irritating because the molecules stab tiny daggers into the olfactory nerve.

5 comments:

Katie Puckrik said...

Musk is sensual because the molecules individually seduce the olfactory nerves.

Rose is tranquilizing because it brainwashes the olfactory nerves into joining its cult.

Avery Gilbert said...

Katie:

Hey everybody, pig pile on Roja! Yeeeehaaaw!

Free bottle of Apr├Ęs le Boeuf to whoever gives him a melvin.

Katie, seriously, email me--I have a fiendish plan.

Eliza said...

I'm so glad you post pieces like this one. I studied perfumery in Grasse and am constantly amazed at the amount of baloney out there.

I've often wondered where Roja Dove received his professorship...

There's a 'perfumer' in Portland who writes that he is 'recognized as one of 26 by the Council of Six. To qualify as a Nose, the prospective candidate must be able to recant all of the elements that comprises the essential elements within a fragrance before the sprayed droplets reach the floor.'

I LOVE that last bit. (Image in my mind of shrieking out "Hexyl cinnamic aldehyde, Hedione, Benzyl Salicylate!" as they 'fall' to the floor. I double-checked with Max Gavarry just to make sure this wasn't a top secret society I'd missed out on and he snorted in response.

In a nutshell, it seems that because a lot of people haven't had the opportunity to learn about smell and at the same time are fed a huge amount of misinformation, 'Noses' like these can say what they like.

Avery Gilbert said...

Eliza,

I like your comment and have so much to say about it that I've turned in into a post here.

Caitlin Shortell said...

Okay, I said the one about Burr was mean but this is too funny. Maybe he's going to form a new religion? Maybe he should run for governor of my state. Ours just resigned and he seems like he has some mavericky ideas that could come in handy if we meet any dinosaurs.